Saturday, August 22, 2009

Things or Memories?

The closer it is till D-day (aka moving day), the more I think about how much I will miss this life. In effort to combat my sadness, I started taking pictures of things and people, but mostly things, I love. Most of these things are in my house or part of my house. I'm not quite sure why I'm so attached to my one story, 2 bedroom, 1 bath, large kitchen, wet basement house but I am. We have a great connection. She takes care of me and I take care of her- well, my dad helps here and there. I mostly make her pretty and welcoming. Even before I moved in, I started planning what my own house would look like. Before the possibility of having my own house took shape, I had started saving my waitressing tips for house decorations and I kept the extra money in a Bible. (Not completely sure why I kept it there but I think it made me feel like I was in the depression or something. Note, this was way before our bad economy situation.) Anyway, I started out buying anything cheap that I slightly liked. Then I advanced to artsy and splurged here and there. I've basically stayed like that. I do have some art pieces directly from the artist but only one piece of my own that is hanging up.

I not only decorate the inside but I've planted lots of flowers- annuals and perennials- and bushes. I got some blueberry bushes about 2 weeks before I decided I was going to move. I was a little disappointed in the timing. I mow the yard, weekly, and sweep the sidewalks and the driveway. I take pride in my cute, little house and I'd like to believe she takes pride in me.

While realizing that I'm going to miss these things, I ask myself why I am so attached to THINGS. Is it the memory of buying them or finding the perfect place for them? If I'm so spiritual then shouldn't I be past the level of valuing physical things? I've pondered this a lot- with fashion. Part of me could easily wear Goodwill or homemade clothing for the rest of my life while the other part of me still enjoys keeping up with fashion trends and trying to look like a 5"2 and 1/2 super model. Even if I lived on a desolate farm, I still think I'd like to get gussied up once in awhile.

So, am I attached to things because of the feeling it once gave me or the memory I have with it? Probably. I also think it is part of the details in the memories I have. It's like a bride and her wedding dress. Her wedding day is not about the dress- it's about marrying her partner- but the dress is one of the details that won't be forgotten.

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